don't lose yourself trying to hang on to someone else
if you are at the point where you are 'hanging on' it's really time to move on
moving on happens so quickly
am i lucky to find good ones so soon or am i just a sucker?
if you're happy i'm happy as mama always says
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Monday, June 1, 2015
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Post Easter Celebrations
last day of the long weekend:
be committed but don't act committed or mention anything that could represent long term anything. stop eating lollies so often. it's not attractive so do whatever it takes to be attractive because that's all that's expected of you. what do you get back? nothing. think about every word you say and how you say it focus on your tone your pitch the speed. no one can be cute or make you feel giggly and excited because then you'll become annoying. the way you speak stresses me out stop yelling all the time you yell at me always. you have no interests no hobbies you do nothing you're boring we have nothing in common i don't care about your work i don't care about your friends i don't care about your dog or your nail polish. how long are you supposed to listen to someone tell you that you're nothing good. not very long. have to cry to get a good kiss around here. what's with the long build up?
be committed but don't act committed or mention anything that could represent long term anything. stop eating lollies so often. it's not attractive so do whatever it takes to be attractive because that's all that's expected of you. what do you get back? nothing. think about every word you say and how you say it focus on your tone your pitch the speed. no one can be cute or make you feel giggly and excited because then you'll become annoying. the way you speak stresses me out stop yelling all the time you yell at me always. you have no interests no hobbies you do nothing you're boring we have nothing in common i don't care about your work i don't care about your friends i don't care about your dog or your nail polish. how long are you supposed to listen to someone tell you that you're nothing good. not very long. have to cry to get a good kiss around here. what's with the long build up?
Thursday, August 7, 2014
windows
the final push to get the highest to get somewhere before another beats you to it. make plans to put in as much as you've got but reality chases after and runs you down. find passions and do things which make you happy. yourself. not because others will be happy for you.
notepad in the side of my car door for drive-time lists. learn to cook, read more, make an effort with make-up and feel better on the inside when i believe i look better on the outside. don't waste money that you've worked for. saving for europe. saving for better clothes. buy meaningful presents for friends because you notice and care for them.
spent 70 dollars today to cook a meal at 3.30pm. "gina it isn't lunch or dinner time yet". doesn't matter. spontaneity. if it feels right and gets the blood racing, it's probably worth doing (paraphrased mr h. s. thompson). if it feels wrong then stop. don't ever let yourself think that being uncomfortable is something you have to cope with. adjust and make waves in your life. positive mind invites positivity into your life.
stress less. if you put in the work you get the results. don't be so hard to love. let me adore you a little.
feel good with this :)
notepad in the side of my car door for drive-time lists. learn to cook, read more, make an effort with make-up and feel better on the inside when i believe i look better on the outside. don't waste money that you've worked for. saving for europe. saving for better clothes. buy meaningful presents for friends because you notice and care for them.
spent 70 dollars today to cook a meal at 3.30pm. "gina it isn't lunch or dinner time yet". doesn't matter. spontaneity. if it feels right and gets the blood racing, it's probably worth doing (paraphrased mr h. s. thompson). if it feels wrong then stop. don't ever let yourself think that being uncomfortable is something you have to cope with. adjust and make waves in your life. positive mind invites positivity into your life.
stress less. if you put in the work you get the results. don't be so hard to love. let me adore you a little.
feel good with this :)
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Blog
it's been a long time. had no time. actually had plenty of time but i like to keep busy and feel as though anything that isn't uni related, work related, or socially related isn't actually worth doing. need some more me time. this tension in my neck won't go away on its own. massage in six days. back to blogging, why not? no one reads them this is all for me fuck fuck fuck yes
saturday night no plans friends are getting lazy not wanting to go out as much. we're only nineteen what's with the boredom people are facing? i don't ever feel boredom, there's always something to do and always things to think about. i feel frustration if i want to do something but don't have the ability to but i wouldn't call that boredom.
growing up i had a problem in knowing what certain words really meant because i couldn't relate to them. boredom isn't something i believe i actually know anything about. the first time i realised i had a problem in knowing words, well, at least knowing how to 'feel' what the words were supposed to describe was when i started noticing people use the word 'cramp'. as a young, healthy girl i never understood what a cramp was as i'd never had one. never felt my muscles involuntary contract. i've since learnt, but then sometimes i'd hear people describing chicken as being tender. what the fuck does tender mean in regards to a piece of chicken? i don't know if i'll ever actually understand that one.
i like this why did i stop writing. this is how i talk always, go off on a tangent, really really fast just can't stop. i've started taking photos again. i stopped for so long, got too caught up in the books and in learning material that i probably won't ever use again in life all for the sake of getting high marks.
slow things down. life is so fucking good and some people complain way too much over the smallest shit. if nothing is actually wrong then what's the point in picking at things? if something is wrong and you feel like you're missing out on something in life then change it. don't expect things to get better if you won't initiate anything.
if you want more friends go and talk to more people. no one is going to stumble through your closed door and introduce themselves any time soon.
different things motivate people in different ways. shit some people don't have motivation for anything at all. it's scary. different people having different shit going on in their heads. things that sometimes may not necessarily correlate with what's going on in their real life. it's all made-up. assuming things, assuming people think certain things of them. imagining what others are saying to themselves about you just based on your own insecurities. stop it. friend committed suicide a few months ago. stop it. stop letting shit eat you up. if you have a problem talk about it and if you have no good friends talk to a fucking stranger and if they don't give a damn see someone who you know has the ability to find someone who can help you.
where is this going i don't know i've only been here for about four minutes and i've jumped down a giant waterfall.
life is good gina stop getting into heavy shit for no reason. three birthdays next weekend. one will miss out but that's alright. got a special someone now anyway. weird how life changes so fast.
do what makes you happy and as soon as you are no longer happy - change your situation.
that's how i've been living and that's how i'll continue living. don't let anyone hold you back from anything, even your own insecurities. insecurities ate me up a few months ago. stronger stronger stronger.
be carefree. gina you were a lot more carefree when you were younger. of course i had no responsibilities. no, you can still be carefree while being responsible. i know. just do it. i will. woo talking to myself. stop smiling. not really though,
smile more!
saturday night no plans friends are getting lazy not wanting to go out as much. we're only nineteen what's with the boredom people are facing? i don't ever feel boredom, there's always something to do and always things to think about. i feel frustration if i want to do something but don't have the ability to but i wouldn't call that boredom.
growing up i had a problem in knowing what certain words really meant because i couldn't relate to them. boredom isn't something i believe i actually know anything about. the first time i realised i had a problem in knowing words, well, at least knowing how to 'feel' what the words were supposed to describe was when i started noticing people use the word 'cramp'. as a young, healthy girl i never understood what a cramp was as i'd never had one. never felt my muscles involuntary contract. i've since learnt, but then sometimes i'd hear people describing chicken as being tender. what the fuck does tender mean in regards to a piece of chicken? i don't know if i'll ever actually understand that one.
i like this why did i stop writing. this is how i talk always, go off on a tangent, really really fast just can't stop. i've started taking photos again. i stopped for so long, got too caught up in the books and in learning material that i probably won't ever use again in life all for the sake of getting high marks.
slow things down. life is so fucking good and some people complain way too much over the smallest shit. if nothing is actually wrong then what's the point in picking at things? if something is wrong and you feel like you're missing out on something in life then change it. don't expect things to get better if you won't initiate anything.
if you want more friends go and talk to more people. no one is going to stumble through your closed door and introduce themselves any time soon.
different things motivate people in different ways. shit some people don't have motivation for anything at all. it's scary. different people having different shit going on in their heads. things that sometimes may not necessarily correlate with what's going on in their real life. it's all made-up. assuming things, assuming people think certain things of them. imagining what others are saying to themselves about you just based on your own insecurities. stop it. friend committed suicide a few months ago. stop it. stop letting shit eat you up. if you have a problem talk about it and if you have no good friends talk to a fucking stranger and if they don't give a damn see someone who you know has the ability to find someone who can help you.
where is this going i don't know i've only been here for about four minutes and i've jumped down a giant waterfall.
life is good gina stop getting into heavy shit for no reason. three birthdays next weekend. one will miss out but that's alright. got a special someone now anyway. weird how life changes so fast.
do what makes you happy and as soon as you are no longer happy - change your situation.
that's how i've been living and that's how i'll continue living. don't let anyone hold you back from anything, even your own insecurities. insecurities ate me up a few months ago. stronger stronger stronger.
be carefree. gina you were a lot more carefree when you were younger. of course i had no responsibilities. no, you can still be carefree while being responsible. i know. just do it. i will. woo talking to myself. stop smiling. not really though,
smile more!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
You can’t wait, can you? To see him. It’s 50/50. Maybe you’ll have that chemistry again? Well, if not, it’s nothing that alcohol couldn’t fix. You calm down. You play it cool. You’re getting dressed. You send him an open ended text. Like, whatever. Your phone is charging. This is a long pause. You wait. You do things. Any things. Vibrates. It could be your mother… but it’s him. It’s his 15 words. You read and re-read them. It’s just nouns and pronouns, adjectives and verbs but… in this particular order, coming from that particular phone number, they make you scream. You are lifted up. Yes, tonight will be a great night. You will even wear fake lashes. Your skin is perfect. Isn’t this a sign from the Gods? You decide… right there and then… that tonight… there will be no games, no calculation and no hesitation. You will see him and smile, and flirt, and giggle… You’ll meet his friends, dance with yours, and let the night be beautiful.
Excerpt from ‘L.E.S. Artistes (The Cassius Kent Memoirs)’
Excerpt from ‘L.E.S. Artistes (The Cassius Kent Memoirs)’
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Finally moving
Bumps along the side of faces, against the green tickling at your ears. Scratch down your neck and then it's under your nail, the only way to kill it is to pinch it til it snaps. Five working together, try to change orders but that wouldn't be approved. Is there anything i need to buy? Three times to make sure. Walking slowly in the rain. Plastic boxes. Cover over brown hair with the ends pulled apart in day dream. Ask and you'll receive a few seconds later. The straw has been twirled around, win instantly.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Dive into
Dunk and splash. The downward triangles glisten as the heads turn. No familiar faces, yet so alike. Making the most of what's right in front of you and beyond all the corners. Belts with gold and the beads on wrists. Pull and they'll snap and fling onto palms. Under four hours later with thousands into the clouds and it's gone.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Albert Camus
“She was breathing deeply, she forgot the cold, the weight of beings, the insane or static life, the long anguish of living or dying. After so many years running from fear, fleeing crazily, uselessly, she was finally coming to a halt. At the same time she seemed to be recovering her roots, and the sap rose anew in her body, which was no longer trembling. Pressing her whole belly against the parapet, leaning toward the wheeling sky, she was only waiting for her pounding heart to settle down, and for the silence to form in her. The last constellations of stars fell in bunches a little lower on the horizon of the desert, and stood motionless. Then, with an unbearable sweetness, the waters of the night began to fill her, submerging the cold, rising gradually to the center of her being, and overflowing wave upon wave to her moaning mouth. A moment later, the whole sky stretched out above her as she lay with her back against the cold earth.”
| — | Albert Camus |
Surrender
Okay, so to understand you'd have had to gone through the exact same, same wording of conversations, same depth of breathing, same time span before shutting your lids. Same way of fiddling with rings and leaving them in your lap so they fall in the gutter when you step out of the car.
The same leaves to fall over your belongings, the same worry and increase in heart rate as things turn. Purple sarong and a coconut belt. Things made out of wood and carved in front of your eyes.
Fist clenched beneath your chin. I can tell you've been smiling. Wait for the sun to go down to get dressed and out again with the people you've met that morning. Same time to meet at the same place by the pool. Love this sound.
The same leaves to fall over your belongings, the same worry and increase in heart rate as things turn. Purple sarong and a coconut belt. Things made out of wood and carved in front of your eyes.
Fist clenched beneath your chin. I can tell you've been smiling. Wait for the sun to go down to get dressed and out again with the people you've met that morning. Same time to meet at the same place by the pool. Love this sound.
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