It is often hard to bear the tears that we ourselves have caused. So why cause them? It's frustrating, to think that it isn't the first time. To not want it to happen again, to try not to make it happen again, yet when it does ... Not many can make all these feelings I hold turn and force these stupid salty droplets of water stream down my face. Only few can do that, only few have. I don't like them to see me, I can't 'look at you' cos that means you'll see me. I'm sorry. I understand. But I can't guarantee it won't happen again, I can only tell you that I am trying and learning and if it does happen again I will feel even more like shit that it is happening. I've been chewing this gum for over an hour, it's lost its flavour. I'm going to invent a spray to gain the flavour on over chewed gum. I will make lots of money. Since the China man will make it, he doesn't ask for much. So I will get lots of profit. Cool. Death from above 1979 on now. I don't feel like getting changed. I'll have a shower. I don't want to wash my hair, it looks nice now, I don't want to ruin it. I'll turn my head awkwardly so the water doesn't touch my hair. Then i'll leave, and see him cos I miss him too much and i'll touch his face because I can. But hold your breath, because tonight will be the night.