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it's been a long time. had no time. actually had plenty of time but i like to keep busy and feel as though anything that isn't uni related, work related, or socially related isn't actually worth doing. need some more me time. this tension in my neck won't go away on its own. massage in six days. back to blogging, why not? no one reads them this is all for me fuck fuck fuck yes

saturday night no plans friends are getting lazy not wanting to go out as much. we're only nineteen what's with the boredom people are facing? i don't ever feel boredom, there's always something to do and always things to think about. i feel frustration if i want to do something but don't have the ability to but i wouldn't call that boredom.

growing up i had a problem in knowing what certain words really meant because i couldn't relate to them. boredom isn't something i believe i actually know anything about. the first time i realised i had a problem in knowing words, well, at least knowing how to 'feel' what the words were supposed to describe was when i started noticing people use the word 'cramp'. as a young, healthy girl i never understood what a cramp was as i'd never had one. never felt my muscles involuntary contract. i've since learnt, but then sometimes i'd hear people describing chicken as being tender. what the fuck does tender mean in regards to a piece of chicken? i don't know if i'll ever actually understand that one.

i like this why did i stop writing. this is how i talk always, go off on a tangent, really really fast just can't stop. i've started taking photos again. i stopped for so long, got too caught up in the books and in learning material that i probably won't ever use again in life all for the sake of getting high marks.

slow things down. life is so fucking good and some people complain way too much over the smallest shit. if nothing is actually wrong then what's the point in picking at things? if something is wrong and you feel like you're missing out on something in life then change it. don't expect things to get better if you won't initiate anything.

if you want more friends go and talk to more people. no one is going to stumble through your closed door and introduce themselves any time soon.

different things motivate people in different ways. shit some people don't have motivation for anything at all. it's scary. different people having different shit going on in their heads. things that sometimes may not necessarily correlate with what's going on in their real life. it's all made-up. assuming things, assuming people think certain things of them. imagining what others are saying to themselves about you just based on your own insecurities. stop it. friend committed suicide a few months ago. stop it. stop letting shit eat you up. if you have a problem talk about it and if you have no good friends talk to a fucking stranger and if they don't give a damn see someone who you know has the ability to find someone who can help you.

where is this going i don't know i've only been here for about four minutes and i've jumped down a giant waterfall.

life is good gina stop getting into heavy shit for no reason. three birthdays next weekend. one will miss out but that's alright. got a special someone now anyway. weird how life changes so fast.

do what makes you happy and as soon as you are no longer happy - change your situation.

that's how i've been living and that's how i'll continue living. don't let anyone hold you back from anything, even your own insecurities. insecurities ate me up a few months ago. stronger stronger stronger.

be carefree. gina you were a lot more carefree when you were younger. of course i had no responsibilities. no, you can still be carefree while being responsible. i know. just do it. i will. woo talking to myself. stop smiling. not really though,

smile more!